driving miss crazy...

Everyone has at least one crazy aunt.  You know, that Aunt who maybe collects silly things and stores them in every room of her house, like pigs perhaps? Or maybe this aunt is a bit loco in the brain-o and she always has crazy rules about germs or feet, and gets grossed out a little bit too easy! Or say, she has weird thumbs and pinkies that only a mad loon would be born with.  They usually always wear weird things too, like colorful socks, because they think plain white is a bit boring.  Everyone has one, and most likely if you have of these aunts, your mom is well aware of her nuttiness and has been thinking to herself for sometime, "why on earth did I have to come in contact with this whacked out lady that is now my sister in law! sheesh!" Knowing this your mom probably had some rules about letting you children in a car driven by your fanatical Aunt, or for that matter be left alone with her for fear that some of her batty ideas might wear off on your gene pool eventually causing all future grandchildren to come out a bit, well...off.

The funny thing about nutty aunts though is their foolishness can't be contained, and they always find you, no matter where you hide, no matter how you try and avoid her, and especially no matter how your mother tries to disguise you.  It's as if their batty ways control some bizarre force in the universe that can trigger some rare debacle to enter your everyday routine and give your hum drum daily life a bit of a bounce.

Well, I was amidst that bounce today and it cause quite the stir.  I might even go as far to say that Mother Nature might have a crazy aunt shaking up her routine as well because the weather only helped shake the upheaval that I took part in.  I was driving to work this morning down ninth east, a fast and easy drive to my office.  As I tootled along I realized I was making good time and would clock in sooner than I thought to start my very pleasant work day (that is added sarcasm) when all of the sudden a big, tall stinken bus decided to leave its bus stop and swoop out right in front of me, cutting off my rhythm, my speed and worst of all, my time frame to make it to work.  No way was I going to continue in slow motion when I was on the final stretch of making it to my cubical to clock in and stare at a wall all day (again sarcasm). No way! I just wouldn't have it, so I decided it was time to switch lanes while my momentum was still hanging on.  I peered through the snow and checked my blind spot, the white van that I thought was there seemed to have vanished and so I made my lane change only to hear HONK!!!!!!!! I looked, I gasped, and steered clear back to my old lane, right back behind that ugly poopy bus!!! The swirling snow must have camouflaged the white van!! That and my Corolla has the worst blind spots known to man .  I felt terrible, and worse, stupid that I hadn't seen the mini van probably carrying such precious cargo.  After coming to my senses and cursing the bus, the van sped up to ride neck and neck with me so we were window to window! I didn't dare look over for fear that some irate mother was going to give me heck, but I decided to anyway, but I put up a little defense of my own and began to wave back and forth giving her the signal to move along ahead of me so such a calamity wouldn't occur again! But my waving turned to horror when I realized the mother of the van wasn't angry she was laughing, head back, mouth open cackling at me!! That's when all shock wore off, all confusion melted and pure and utter bewilderment set in! The precious cargo in that van was my nephew and nieces, Harman, Annabelle, and Sophi and the irate mother was none other than my lovely sister in law Marci and worst of all...

I AM THAT CRAZY AUNT!!!!!!

an added f.y.i.

for the record, I thought I should note, that all four of my brother's were taught to take a seat when emptying their bowels, they just are in such a hurry to get back to the play station and other things they chose to forget their mother's training and whiz all over... thankfully the oldest brother has married a wonderful woman that reminds him of what he was taught in years past.  We hope the other three will be just as lucky when they tie the knot......

boy oh boy...

We recently found ourselves some new digs (is that how you say we moved in cool ghetto tongue?).  therefore I've gone up in popularity 87% this past month with my brothers because I have this cool new 2 room, 2 bathroom, spacious apartment with stairs for them to lounge around in. 

(that and the play station was banned from my parents house and placed in mine which means they have to sugary sweet ask me if they can come over to visit and then nonchalantly ask if they can play their favorite games before they become crazed maniacs due to the withdrawals of not having their smarts drained from their gray matter)

Any who, I'm actually enjoying the new found popularity because being the only girl and the oldest has knocked me down to the bottom of all my brothers totem pole's, I'm not cool enough for any of their reindeer games, and I don't smell so clearly, I am an outcast (that and I can still beat their bums when they need a good pummel).  

However, my brothers often times leave me little reminders after they have graced my presence, I guess a little house warming gift if you will.....

oh yes, that would be a left up toilet seat, where, brother #'s 2-4 have marked their spot in bright yellow.  oh there is nothing better.  I'm sure there is more "left overs" on the floor, but I don't dare look at that point.  I've lived with boys for 26 years, all of my earthly existence, and urine left un-mopped still makes my ears buzz just a bit...

get used to it you say? it's been 26 years and it shouldn't bother me anymore! let me tell you this, there is nothing worse then running into your house on the verge of soiling yourself, dropping your pants full speed ahead and plunging down on the toilet seat that you so naively thought was ready to greet your bottom and instead falling in because SOMEONEBROTHER left the toilet seat up. 

After you're able to pull your bare buns out of the bowl you realize the worst part of it all, YOU'VE JUST SAT IN UN-MOPPED UP PEE DRIBBLES! oh the shame, disgust and ear buzzing horror! from there you just strip down and leap into the shower. (and don't think about what goes on in that drain) the urge to pee will come back after you feel girly clean once more.

I must say this experience has left me crossing my fingers that this baby of mine comes out a girl, but my mom made the same wish and was jinxed with four boys so I'm a bit more careful of what I wish for.  But through it all I think I could handle it, 26 years has taught me something about, boys, hose's and urine, and no son of mine will EVER EVER KNOW that he has the option of STANDING AND PEEING EVER! 

but my boy can know that when he wants to play play station, he has four awesome uncles who he can sugary sweet ask for help in sucking out all smarts from his gray matter and making him feel like he's cool, even if their sister never was.