"...I just ate a bug!"

ask what happened to me this morning! I dare you!!! and don't be surprised if I dry heave as soon as I try and find the words to explain the horror of it all!!! yes, it was that gross and i'm not exaggerating!

here we have exhibit A:

my handy dandy, coveted by many, evokes jealousy in others (thus the green hue) awesome steal of a deal eddie bauer water bottle that has made my days, outings, and lazy moments when I need a close drink at hand all the better.

here we have exhibit B:

a disgusting ear wig that I find squirming around in my house from time to time. where they come from I never know but I can squish them dead in seconds flat! They are the only bug to truly make me shutter, but after this morning, they now make me dry heave while shuttering.

this morning while watching george tear through my living room emptying out ever cupboard, clearing off every shelf and leaving no door unswung I got a little parched. so, I reached over to grab by trusty water bottle, which lucky for me had been left by the side of the couch before I went to bed last night!  I opened the mouth piece and began to suck a swig of water only (oh my gosh I'm dry heaving right now!! no lying, this is not for blogging effect!) to feel something hard shoot into my mouth! my brain instantly hit high alert as it reacted to the object I had just caught in my mouth.  my trusty, but dim witted brain tried to convince me that there was no need to panic because this small hard object was probably just a random piece of paper that had some how accidentally dropped into the tiniest of hole's which happened to be my water bottle! right...

swallowing was not an option!! I (and I must admit this part is a little fuzzy do to the horror of the situation causing a brief state of shock and memory lapse),I believe that I grabbed the small hard object out of my mouth, while holding the gulp of water in my mouth and then went into a state of shock and utter terror when I realized I had just removed a LIVE ear wig from swimming in my mouth!!!!! (dry heave! gag! dry heave again!) I flung that little devil onto the floor and watched its little pincers stretch and wiggle! I couldn't even kill the thing because I was still feeling is scaly wormy self floating on my tongue only inches away from my throat and stomach! (are you shivering right now! cause i'm squirming in my seat!!! eeeewwwwww!!!!) mind you I still am unable to swallow the water in my mouth! with puffed cheeks and clenched lips I killed that damn earwig for infesting my water bottle and mouth and then I began to irrationally debate whether or not to swallow the earwig tainted water in my mouth or spit it out! I, thankfully, became rational enough to decide to spit it out, but then my brain couldn't figure out where to do so! to say the least I was freaking out just slightly!

I made it to the kitchen sink where I spat the water from my mouth and rinsed thoroughly with a clean guzzle! I must admit that I was a little worried the gulp of water may have contained the eggs of the ear wig, and didn't want to risk them hatching in my stomach.... that thought alone is proof that I definitely was in a state of shock. and agony.  and complete and utter disgust.  after calming down just a bit I decided to photo op my memorable moment so I could live it out through the ages.

and that is why I have been dry heaving all day. literally. sadly, this is not my first encounter with the ear wig, aka my arch nemesis.  years ago I had one go up my nose, but I'll spare you that story.  and if you are wondering, I did some research and this ear wig was a male (its pincers are curled not straight like a females, bit of earwig trivia for you d-rew!), so no need to worry of any future earwigs in my body... or so I think! I definitely think i've lost all trust in my water bottle though!

gag!!!!!!